You just got their number or matched on an app. And right after the first few messages… silence. You want to make a good impression but don’t really know what to say. Good conversation doesn’t require being funny or over-the-top—you just need the right topics, and the flow will come naturally. Let’s break it down together.
Why Is Choosing the Right Topic So Important?
Because first messages often shape what happens next. A message that’s too bland or generic won’t spark interest and usually gets lost in the DMs.
On the flip side, a message that’s too forward can put people off and push them away. But when your message hits the right note, you’re off to a great start.
According to several social psychology studies, what truly sparks attraction in the early stages of a (potential) relationship is the ability to quickly create an emotional connection.
Choosing the Right Topic: 3 Traps to Avoid
Before jumping into ideas, here are three common mistakes to steer clear of:
1. Talking only about yourself
If you send five texts in a row about your day, your job, or your cat… you’re leaving no room for the other person to engage.
2. Getting too personal too quickly
Dropping a question like “So… have you ever been in love?” by the third message might feel invasive. Go with the flow and let intimacy build naturally. Once you’ve laid the groundwork, you’ll have plenty of time for deeper chats.
3. Job interview-style questions
“What’s your job?” is a classic, but it’s flat and overused. If you really want to know, rephrase it. Try: “What do you do for work—and do you love it or are you dreaming of a total life change?”
Also read: When to Stop Messaging Without Being Overbearing
What Makes a Good Conversation Topic?
Want a fun, flowing chat that builds chemistry instead of fizzling out after a few texts? Then skip the constant “how are yous” and “what are you up to” messages.
1. Open-ended (not yes/no)
Good topics invite elaboration. If you ask a closed question, expect a short answer—and then… silence. Instead of “Did you have a good day?”, try “What’s the coolest thing you’ve done recently? Tell me about it.” Open-ended questions spark more ideas and keep the chat alive.
2. Light-hearted, not too heavy
Set a fun tone—not a heavy one. Avoid deep or polarizing subjects like politics or religion.
Instead, ask something fun like: “If you won €10,000 tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d do?” It keeps things playful while revealing real insights into their personality. Starting off with talks about God or political parties? Probably not the best way to charm your crush.
3. Personalized (when possible)
Take a closer look at their profile, bio, or photos. A tiny detail can be the perfect starting point for a unique conversation. They’re wearing a Marvel shirt? Try: “Team Iron Man or Team Cap? Careful—this could divide us forever 😄.” They posted a mountain pic? Say: “Looks like you’re into hiking. Is it more for clearing your head or chasing Insta-worthy views?”
4. A topic that encourages openness (without pressure)
A good topic puts the other person at ease and shouldn’t feel like a challenge. They should think, “Hmm, I want to answer that,” not “Oh no, I need to think hard.”
If they made you laugh and you didn’t hold back, you can follow up with, “What’s the last thing that really made you laugh?” The answer is easy, quick, but personal. And from there, you can bounce off that to explore other topics. The goal is to create a little moment of connection—not to sit a philosophy exam.
7 Topic Ideas That Work (and Why)
Here are 7 safe, tried-and-tested topics to spark a natural, smooth, and engaging conversation.
1. TV Shows or Movies They Like
A classic topic, but for a good reason: it’s rich, varied, and rarely intimidating. You can talk about what you’re watching right now, debate over a cult series, or compare your tastes (thrillers or romcoms?).
Why it works: It’s about tastes, emotions, and often values… without getting too personal too quickly.
2. Their Dream Travel Destination
A dream destination says a lot: is the person adventurous, romantic, spiritual, curious? Ask where they’d fly tomorrow if there were no limits. It works because this kind of topic inspires dreaming, opens the imagination, and creates connection.
3. The Last Thing That Made Them Laugh
Direct, light, and often revealing. You quickly discover their sense of humor, cultural universe, and outlook on life. Laughing together is like an emotional shortcut. If you get even a small smile, you’re already on the right track.
4. What They Like to Do on Weekends
Ask, but without pressure: “What’s your ideal weekend like?” This shows their rhythm, hobbies, and relationship with free time. The goal is to keep it concrete without getting too intimate, but it still touches on real personality.
5. A Dish They Love
Food is one of the best topics for connection. Whether it’s a childhood favorite, a current obsession, or something unusual, people love talking about what they like to eat. It’s friendly, universal, and can easily lead to a cute role play (“One day, you’ll have to make it for me!”).
6. “If You Could Live Someone Else’s Life for a Week…”
A more original question that’s a hit. It opens imagination, fantasies, secret passions… and often leads to surprising answers. It’s fun, avoids automatic replies, and helps you see what truly excites the other person.
7. A Song That Pumps Them Up
Ask about the song they listen to when they want motivation or feel good. Why not listen together? Instant connection, easy and natural. Why it works: Music is emotional. Sharing a song you both love can almost instantly spark chemistry.
Bonus: Some Real-Life Testimonials
They got together and share how their first message exchanges went:
- 🗣 “I just commented on a photo where she was holding a book. Asked if it was a favorite or just something she was reading out of laziness. We haven’t stopped talking since.” — Leo, 26
- 🗣 “He asked what dish makes me happy. I said lasagna. Two weeks later, he cooked it. You can guess the rest.” — Ines, 30
- 🗣 “She asked which song gives me the most energy. I sent her Feeling Good and Unstoppable. We listened together on a video call. Chills guaranteed.” — Yanis, 28
- 🗣 “We started talking about series. She said she’d never seen Breaking Bad. I told her that was almost a crime. She binge-watched it and we debriefed every episode. Now we share a Netflix account.” — Claire, 32
- 🗣 “He simply asked, ‘Would you rather live in a cabin in the woods or a penthouse in Tokyo?’ I laughed and said Tokyo. He followed up with a list of ramen to try there. We matched on humor… and food.” — Maia, 27
Plan B: If You Feel a Silence Coming
Even with the best intentions, conversations sometimes stall. Don’t panic. It’s not failure, just a natural pause. Sometimes, a well-timed little nudge can revive it.
Here’s a quick list of easy questions to slip in, that don’t pressure but instantly open up more lively discussion:
- “Team beach or mountains?”
Simple but revealing. You learn their preferences, relationship to nature, holidays, adventure, or relaxation. It sparks memories, travel dreams, and escape fantasies.
- “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?”
Fun, a bit of self-deprecation, and often wild stories. Cricket in Mexico? Durian in Bangkok? Laughter quickly follows, plus a glimpse of their daring side.
- “If you could live in a TV show, which one would it be?”
Perfect to reveal their universe. Comedy? Thriller? Supernatural? It tells a lot about what they like or dream of living. A great question to open up about tastes and fantasies without stress.
- “What’s your guilty pleasure music?”
That ‘shameful’ song you secretly love, sing at full volume in the shower, but don’t always admit. It sparks laughter, complicity, and maybe a surprise live music session together.
These questions are like your emotional first-aid kit. They don’t have to be brilliant. They just need to be authentic, open, and easy to launch. Keep them handy on your phone — you never know when a silence could turn into a great opportunity.
Conclusion
Talking to your crush isn’t an interrogation; it’s a ping-pong game. It’s not so much the topic that matters, but the vibe you create. Be curious, play along, be sincere, and don’t fear silence. If the connection is there, even a simple message can become magical.
FAQ – Everything You Really Want to Know About Starting Conversations With Your Crush
- What if my crush doesn’t reply?
Don’t panic. They may have just missed your message. After one or two follow-ups, if it’s still silent, respect the silence. It happens and isn’t necessarily about you.
- Is it better to be funny or sincere?
Both! Humor creates complicity, but sincerity builds real connection. Be yourself without forcing a character.
- How many messages before suggesting a date?
No fixed rule. The right moment is when the exchange is smooth, regular, and there’s mutual feeling. Sometimes after 10 messages, sometimes after 3 days.
- What topics should I absolutely avoid at the start?
Exes, heated political debates, dark topics, or questionable jokes. The goal is to build a positive, relaxed atmosphere, not the opposite.
- How to restart the conversation after several days of silence
Send a simple, non-accusatory message that gently reopens the conversation: “Hey, I just saw that thing we talked about the other day… made me think of you!” The key is to create an opening, not pressure.
