When it comes to online attraction, everything hinges on first contact. A first message can lead to great chemistry, or it can just as easily result in radio silence. So, how do you catch your conversation partner’s attention and seduce them right from the first message?
Why is the First Message So Important?
In real life, as on a dating app, the first impression is often crucial. Online, where everything moves fast, a clumsy message can easily go unnoticed and get lost in the crowd.
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If a profile receives fifty matches a day, how will you stand out and get them to open your message more quickly? Definitely not with a simple “Hey, how’s it going?”
Mistakes to Avoid in a First Message
To avoid ending up in the ignored pile, here are some mistakes to steer clear of:
Overused, cliché phrases
Example: “Hey, how’s it going?”
⚠️ Problem: It’s flat, impersonal, and doesn’t really encourage a response.
Over-the-top or awkward compliments
Example: “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
⚠️ Problem: No one believes you, especially if it’s the first message.
Messages that are too long or too short
- When the message is too short, some people might interpret it as a lack of interest. As a result, they may themselves act uninterested.
- No one wants to read an essay in a DM, especially when it’s the first message.
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Too many spelling mistakes
If you want to win over a crush via text, make sure to proofread your messages before sending them.
Example: “I are very happy to no you.” → Chances are, you’ll get a response with a grammar correction.
Also read: How to Combine Emojis to Make Your Messages More Impactful?
How to Write a First Message That Catches Their Attention?
If you’re short on ideas, here are some tips and tricks that should help you seduce a man or woman right from the first message:
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1. Show That You’ve Looked at Their Profile
Example: “I saw you like horror movies… are you more of an Annabelle fan or Conjuring?”
✔️ Why it works? It shows that you took the time to genuinely check out their profile before messaging. This thoughtful approach is something your conversation partner will appreciate, and in return, they’ll likely put the same effort into their response.
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2. Add a Touch of Humor if Possible
Example: “So, you have a cat? I’m ready to bribe him with treats so he’ll accept me.”
✔️ Why it works? Humor is a great icebreaker. You can also try self-deprecating humor. Anything that helps you stand out in a positive way works!
3. Ask an Icebreaker Question
Example: “If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be and why?”
✔️ Why it works? Sure, there are better icebreaker questions, but you get the idea. The goal is to break away from formal greetings and jump straight into an interesting question. Once you’ve grabbed their attention, you can move on to introductions.
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4. Adapt to the Context
On a dating app for young adults, you can afford to be playful and whimsical. Example: “Team chocolatine or pain au chocolat?” On a platform for older adults, however, you should adopt a more serious tone.
If you’re replying to a story on Instagram, for example, you also need to adapt accordingly.
What to Do After the First Message?
Once you’ve grabbed your crush’s attention, you’ll need to keep their interest over time.
Gently Follow Up
If their response is too brief, you can follow up by commenting on a detail.
💡 Example :
- They: “I love horror movies!”
- You: “Alright, but have you ever dared to watch a horror movie alone in the middle of the night? 😉”
Learn to Spot Signs of Interest
When someone responds quickly, it’s usually a good sign. With that momentum, you’ll likely build a strong connection soon. On the other hand, if they take time to reply, the conclusion isn’t immediately clear. They might just be someone who’s often busy.
Find the Right Timing for the First Meeting or Call
When you sense good chemistry and jokes are flowing naturally from both sides, you can try an approach like this:
“Hey, it feels like we’re hitting it off! How about we take this conversation offline? Want to grab a coffee or have a quick call?”
💡 Example : “This conversation is going so well, how about we continue it over a coffee (or a pizza)?”
Also read: 7 Opening Lines to Use on a First Date
Conclusion
Seduction from the first message is an art that requires a lot of spontaneity, without necessarily “aggressively” approaching the other person. Together, we’ve covered the mistakes to avoid and the best practices to adopt. So, are you ready to send THE perfect message?
