On most popular dating apps, one observation keeps coming up: women receive far more messages on average than men, sometimes up to ten times more. This imbalance creates saturation: some women end up neglecting their inboxes, while on the other side, men experience deep frustration as they struggle to get even a single response. How can this asymmetry be explained, and more importantly, what is a fairer solution for men looking for a dating app that truly meets their expectations?
The male-to-female ratio on dating apps
One of the causes of this imbalance lies in the very composition of the communities on free dating apps. In many countries, these platforms often have two to three times more men than women. This unequal ratio is not insignificant. It immediately transforms the online dating environment into a space of intense male competition.
As a numerical minority, women naturally receive more attention. Each new female profile quickly attracts dozens, even hundreds, of likes or messages. At the same time, many men go unnoticed, despite their good intentions, simply because they get lost in the crowd.
This imbalance is not just a matter of numbers; it shapes most of the behavior observed on dating sites. Faced with a low response rate, some men send out multiple messages in the hope that “at least one person” will respond, which in turn exacerbates the saturation on the women’s side. This creates a self-perpetuating system where attention becomes an extremely asymmetrical resource… and where the quality of conversations suffers as a result.
Typical male behavior on dating apps
Faced with an overabundance of men on dating apps, many of them adopt, often unconsciously, behaviors that make the situation worse. One of the most common is sending vague messages en masse: “Hi,” “How are you?” or generic compliments everyone else is using. These openings, while harmless, are sorely lacking in originality and easily get lost in the crowd of dozens of other identical messages.
The reason is simple: the low response rate pushes some men to prioritize quantity over quality. “If I only have a one in a hundred chance, I might as well send a hundred messages,” they tell themselves. Unfortunately, this fuels a vicious cycle: the more impersonal the messages are, the less likely they are to elicit a response, and the more frustration grows on both sides.
In comparison, men who succeed in forming good relationships on dating apps often share the same habit: they take the time to read the bio, look carefully at the photos, and write an initial message that truly connects with the person. For example: “I saw that you love the Christmas markets in Strasbourg. I go there every year! What’s your favorite stall?” Granted, this isn’t necessarily the perfect opening message, but it’s engaging and far more likely to get a response than a vague “How are you?” This type of message, although simple, shows that you’ve taken the time to pay attention to the person’s profile, and they are more likely to respond in kind. Ultimately, it’s not that women receive too many messages—it’s that too many messages say nothing.
See also: 5 tips for getting someone’s phone number without being pushy
What women look for in the first messages on a dating app
Contrary to popular belief, women do not reject initial messages on principle. They filter, often in a matter of seconds, those that deserve their attention. And this filter is rarely based on physical appearance or charisma, but rather on signs of respect, attentiveness, and sincere intent.
On a dating app, women are inundated with messages. In this context, what really catches her interest is proof that you’ve actually noticed her—and not just a photo among hundreds of others. A message that refers to a specific detail in her bio (“You mention your trip to Ethiopia; I lived there for two years!”).
Studies on online dating confirm that personalized messages get three to five times more responses than vague ones. It doesn’t take writing talent, just a little curiosity and attention. But it’s precisely this quality that is sorely lacking on most dating sites. On a free dating app, where every click is a choice, it’s these small signs of authenticity that make all the difference.
Does the algorithm play a role?
We tend to think that the imbalance in messages comes solely from user behavior. But in reality, dating apps themselves often play a much more active role than we realize.
Most platforms operate according to a simple model: the more interactions a profile receives (likes, messages, views), the more it is promoted by the algorithm. However, as there are fewer women on dating sites, they naturally attract more attention and therefore more visibility. Their profiles appear even more often… which generates even more messages. It’s a virtuous circle for them, but a vicious circle for men, whose less active profiles become increasingly invisible.
Fortunately, it’s not all doom and gloom. Some of the best dating apps are now revising their approach. They focus on the quality of interactions rather than quantity and value complete profiles for both men and women. They use algorithms that prioritize matches based on real affinities, not just the number of clicks. On these platforms, your profile has a chance of being seen… even if you don’t send 50 messages a day. In short, yes, the algorithm is not neutral. But it can also be designed to rebalance the playing field, provided the app really wants to.
What about men? Why do they receive so few messages?
There is a lot of talk about women being bombarded with messages on dating apps… but rarely about the silence surrounding men’s inboxes. Yet this is a reality experienced by the majority of them: days, even weeks without a single message received. And it’s not for lack of being open to conversation.
Why is there such an imbalance? First, there is a persistent social norm. It is still widely expected that men will make the first move. As a result, even if a woman is interested, she often hesitates to send a message for fear of being judged or appearing “too forward.” Ultimately, no one makes a move, men wait… and so do women.
More importantly, it must be acknowledged that on most dating sites, female initiative is not encouraged. The interfaces are designed to push women to receive, not to act. There are few reminders, few suggestions, and few features that encourage them to break the norm. As a result, even those who would like to think outside the box remain in a state of limbo.
Above all, it must be acknowledged that on most dating sites, female initiative is not encouraged. The interfaces are designed to push women to receive, not to act. There are few reminders, few suggestions, and few features that encourage them to break the norm. So even those who would like to think outside the box remain in a state of limbo.
However, when a woman sends the first message on a dating app, response rates are often excellent. Men, far from being surprised, are generally delighted and grateful. This clearly shows that the problem is not a lack of reciprocity, but a system that does not encourage it. Fortunately, some of the best dating apps are starting to reverse this trend.
See also : How do you contact profiles that interest you on a dating app?
What if the solution was a dating app that levels the playing field?
Imagine a dating app where you’re not reduced to a number in a statistic. Where your profile has a chance of being seen, even if you don’t send 30 messages a day. This app exists: Chat&Yamo.
Unlike many platforms, Chat&Yamo was designed to put people back at the center of online dating. Here, there’s no rush to find matches. Instead, you have
- Verified profiles: each new registration is systematically verified before being accepted on the platform.
- A bio that truly reflects who you are: interests, values, projects… everything that makes you who you are.
- A matching system based on each person’s search intentions: on Chat&Yamo, you have a range of specific filters (flirting, serious relationship, marriage, casual dating, etc.) that allow our algorithm to connect you only with profiles of single men or women who are looking for exactly the same type of relationship as you.
- Above all, a balanced culture of exchange: both men and women are encouraged to initiate conversation. Because a beautiful encounter begins when both dare to take the first step.
On Chat&Yamo, you are not just a “user,” you are a person with qualities, passions, expectations… And we have interesting features to reveal your true personality in order to attract single men or women with whom you have real affinities.
Ready to experience dating that is more respectful, balanced… and human?
Join over 4 million users who have trusted Chat&Yamo to find their dream partner and start a new chapter in their lives. Don’t just sit on the sidelines any longer. Take your best photos, create your Chat&Yamo account, and discover how charming you really are.
FAQ – Frequently asked questions about exchanges on dating apps
1. Do all women receive a lot of messages?
Not at all. It depends greatly on the quality of the profile, location, frequency of use, and clarity of intentions. A woman with few photos, an empty bio, or low activity may receive very few messages, just as a very active man may send dozens without receiving a response.
2. Why don’t men write back more often to women who send the first message?
Often out of surprise, lack of confidence, or simple habit. On most dating sites, we have become so accustomed to the idea that “it’s up to the man to make the first move” that some people don’t know how to react when the opposite happens. However, when a woman initiates a conversation, she should be praised for her courage.
3. Do dating apps contribute to the gender imbalance?
Yes, many do, by design. By promoting female profiles to attract more men, they automatically amplify the phenomenon. But some of the best dating apps, such as Chat&Yamo, take a different approach, focusing on balance, quality, and reciprocity.
4. How can you stand out as a man on a free dating app?
By taking care of your profile (recent and varied photos, sincere bio), reading the other person’s bio carefully, and making an effort to have a good conversation with messages that are personalized to the person.
5. Are there more equitable platforms for online dating?
Yes. Some dating apps are designed to encourage mutual exchanges and real connections. They verify profiles, encourage initiative on both sides, and emphasize compatibility rather than the number of likes. Chat&Yamo is one such app, designed to give everyone, male or female, a real chance to meet someone special online.
